When I was in school or even in college, my mind was full of apprehensions. I tended to over think.
I have realized that apprehensions hinder our growth, so now when I am a grown woman, I have finally learnt to control my apprehensions or to reason with them, at least, but hesitation is still there.
I don't think there's anyone with whom I am completely, absolutely free-minded. There would be some kind of hesitation, no matter how close or dear that person is (Except my 5 year-old).
It is not a very good thing, I know. But, it's my second nature, I'd say.
What causes hesitation? Fear. Fear of going wrong. And, sometimes people's reaction. How would they react? Well, it is also a kind of fear. That is why some students (like me) won't raise their hands in the class to answer any question. 'What if I am wrong?' They would think. This is why some students won't raise their hands to ask anything that they didn't understand. 'What if they think I am dumb?' They would think.
Think, presume, without realizing that it is restricting their knowledge, hindering the process of learning (Well, these days, Google solves so many problems though. Why ask anyone if there's Google, right?)
Learning, anything new, is beautiful. Today I am going to talk about learning different languages that I find quite fascinating!
People who manage to learn different languages amaze me. One of my aunts learnt Assamese because when she studied in Assam, there were no Hindi or English books available and she couldn't live without reading. She learnt Bengali and is a fluent Bangla reader as well. She often talked about Assamese/Bengali books, and one book that I especially remember is 'Na Hanyate (It Does Not Die) by Maitreyi Devi because I came to know that the movie 'Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam' was based on this book.
I found it really interesting and at the same time, I felt bad that my knowledge of language was so limited. Recently, Debeshi Gooptu, a friend and a wonderful storyteller, mentioned a short story on Twitter. She said that was one of the most beautiful stories she had ever read. I, obviously, felt tempted to read that story. But then she said it was a Bengali story. There's no translation available and I do not know this language. At least not that well that I can read a story.
But, it's my fault. I could've learnt this language. Easily.
'You are Bengali, right?' My classmates used to ask.
Some said that I looked like a Bengali girl. And, some applied this logic that just because my two close friends (These were the only girls in my school whom I could actually call friends) were Bengali, so, obviously I was supposed to be a Bengali girl. One very important thing they didn't notice that I never spoke Bangla with my friends.
I learnt Bangla alphabets, but I could never learn to speak (However, I can manage somehow if nobody knew any other language) that language.
Why? Because I felt odd speaking the language I didn't know well. I felt odd making mistakes in front of my own friends, close friends. So basically I hesitated to learn because of the fear of making mistakes.
Now, whenever I think about it, I regret it. So what if I had made mistakes, so what if they had laughed at my silly mistakes, I could have learnt a new language at least.
Of course, it's never too late to learn, but as we grow up, responsibilities, life/family related things become our priority and many other things take a back seat. Maybe, I can learn it someday (I have so many things to learn).
So, what about you? How many languages do you know? Is there anything you wanted to learn but could not?
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